Example On How To Match A Person’s Modality
- Nick K.
For Visual People
The person before you is a visual person. In order to match them you will want to sit up straight, take breaths from the top of your lungs and be very excited and animated in your speech. Once they see this type of visual cue they will become more relaxed and at ease. Communication will flow much easier.
For Auditory Processor
Suppose the person is an auditory processor. You would want to slow down your speech and listen quietly and intently to what they are saying. They need know that you are listening. You can reflect back what they saying and seek clarification. Listening and verbal cues are the way to create rapport with this type of thought processor.
For Kinesthetic People
If you have a kinesthetic person before you might want to slow your speech and focus on the person’s feelings. You need to target emotions and how the subject feels about what you are saying. You need to show empathy.
Part of the trick with modalities is to also try to match the volume, pitch and modulation of their speech. They will begin to accept you as a mirror of themselves. This is very comforting and builds the necessary trust to proceed.
Once you have matched their modality and speech patterns, you should begin to match their body language and the way the subject is sitting or standing. You want to create a mirror image without being obvious. The key is to be subtle, not overt. The key to covert hypnosis is to be covert. Match their gestures and body language while you are speaking to them.
Once you have matched their modality, voice sound and physical appearance you need to begin to focus on the types of words and phrases they are using. Catch key phrases they use often like “At the end of the day…” and use these phrases when you are talking to them. Remember be subtle.
You are almost there with being a mirror. The next step is to match the person’s breathing patterns. Pay attention to when they inhale and exhale. Match your breathing with theirs. This is very powerful because once you are sync is when you can begin to influence them.
Pay attention to how they chunk information together. Some people like to look at the big picture and process and talk about information in this way, while others are much more detail oriented and want to like at the fine details. Pay attention to this and use it as a way of communication with the person.
The final step in establishing the necessary rapport for covert hypnosis is to try to find areas of commonality. Try to catch common interests and experiences. Do they like a particular football team, or did they grow up near you? These common ground experiences should not be overlooked. It is one more way to bond with the person and soon you will have them eating out of the palm of your hand.
Rapport building is a skill that must be practiced. It is true some people are more natural at it than others but it is a skill that can be developed by anyone. Try to make your mirroring techniques very smooth, subtle and flawless. If they notice you are trying to mirror them, be honest and tell them you are attempting to put them at ease. They will appreciate the honesty and that will work in your favor of forging a stronger relationship with them.
If you are not sure your rapport skills are up to snuff here are some clues that you are on the right track. Look at the person you are trying to build rapport with. Watch their eyes, lip, facial muscles, their breathing and the color of their skin.
When a person begins to build rapport with someone they will become excited. This will usually begin in the legs and chest. You may see increase in their respirations and movement in their legs will increase. You may see the color change in their face and neck. Don’t be discouraged if you do not see these external signs. You may still be building rapport and you must remember everyone’s reaction to relationships is different.
If you are truly connected you can try changing things in your own body and see how they respond. For instance you can change your body position or the rhythm of your breathing. If they are connected they will change along with you. This is a good indication you are ready to proceed to the next level of influence.
Once you have established rapport you can begin to change the conversation into the form of metaphors. The purpose of these metaphors, are that they present an exterior form of meaning in the real language of the story. This will shift into motion a connected deep arrangement of meaning that is not directly relevant to the listener. This will trigger a recovered deep arrangement of meaning. It is this that is directly relevant to the listener.
Using metaphors will create subconscious conditions within the person you are speaking with, who then connects those states through covert conditioning. This will then create unconsciously initiated acts and thoughts. This will fool the subject into believing that you are talking about one thing when really you are talking about another.
Confused yet? Take a deep breath and let us illustrate by example. Suppose you say to someone, "Don't think of a black cat." The brain of the person whom you are speaking to must to interact with the image of a “black cat” in order to comprehend the sentence thereby the condition of understanding a “black cat” has been recalled by the listener simply by your suggestion. You can begin to program what the subject is thinking about.